"Word up, dog. Hey there, Mister Bad Mammo Jammo, let me tell you, fer reals, your schizzo be off the izzo, G. Your art stuff is dope, esse, know what I mean? Yo, check it, I'm in a gang and me and my homies would just go ape to the zape if you could tattoo us with our colors, dig? It's cool if you don't already have a needle, 'cause I got a killer one I made from an electric tooth brush and an old guitar string. Yeah, l learned how to make one in the slammer. How’d you know?"
- G.Z. from Long Beach
"I don't need to know nothing about no art. What good is it? Can it get me laid? Oh, really? it CAN? Well, hey, in that case, sure, I'll buy some of your art stuff. You want to work a trade for some Smokey And The Bandit collectible memorabilia?"
- B.Z. from Pine Bluff
"So, how long does it take you to do this?"
- T.W. from Sioux Falls
"Political cartoons. THAT'S what you should be doing. With your talent, it'll be a piece of cake. So what, if you can see BOTH sides of an issue? So what, if you DON’T have an opinion, one way or another? So what, if you DON’T feel you have anything MEANINGFUL to add to the discussion? You think that's stopping those other morons?"
- J.L. from Pflugerville
"Well, I suppose your work is decent enough, considering you are a California artist. Of course, once you get to New York, then your art will really be saying something. That’s common knowledge."
- P.C. from Soho
"The best thing about you is you are a California artist. After all, the only art really saying anything, these days, is being done out west. That’s common knowledge."
- E.A. from Century City
"I'm not sure I care for what you're advocating, mister. And as soon as I can figure out exactly WHAT that IS, me and my concerned citizens action committee are coming after you."
- I.W. from Birmingham
"You are really good. You ever do any of them caricature things, like them guys at the fair? Last year, I was getting me a corn dog, looking at these guys, when I thought about you. You need to get in on this racket. There would have to be something seriously wrong with a person if they DID NOT want someone like you, drawing a picture of them with a super giant head and a teeny tiny body, doing some goofy, silly stuff. You know, like making ‘em look drunk and crazy. Maybe they’re driving a tiny little car, all DUI like. People love that. Throw in a witty saying, you know, something off a bumper sticker, or from a light beer commercial, and you’re home free. Sit back and watch the money pour in.”
- S.G. from Shreveport
“Gosh, um, yeah, wow, hey, uh, yessiree, that, there, is, uh, well, it’s, uh, it’s really, uh.........something. Yep. Tell you what.”
- H.H. from Arlen
“You should just have ME on this page, talking about you and your art thing. Get rid of them other bozos. Have you actually READ the things they’re saying? I don’t get it. It’s useless. All of it. Garbage. Now, if it’s ME doing the talking, it would absolutely blow people’s minds. I’ll say whatever you want me to say, only it will come out sounding so much more WAY COOL and awesome, because l CAN’T HELP but say way cool and awesome things ALL the time. Seriously. ALL the time. Ask anyone who knows me. You should stop whatever you are doing and just follow me around, for a couple of days, and write down things that come out of my mouth. Man, l can make you sound like the next Jesus, only WAY cooler and way, WAY more awesome! Compared to you, Jesus is gonna look like a chump. It’ll be like, “Yo’, Jesus, get a job, you loser”.”
- B.M. from Beaumont
“Some of them artists are painting Bluebonnets now. You know, the flowers? Whole fields of bluebonnets. Yep. l seen ‘em. They’re doing that now. Just thought you’d like to know, you being an artist, and all.”
- T.L. from Plano
"This is INSANE! Why would anyone go to the extremes you do? How everything has to “fit together” and what not. lt drives me nuts, looking at how devoted you are to not resting until everything is so precise and exacting. And all that microscopic detail you do. And for WHO? You think ANYONE actually cares about “real” art anymore? You know, art that takes chances, and does whatever it needs to, to stand apart from the herd, for right now and for future generations. You could get by with a LOT less, trust me on this one. Look at what the famous and wealthy artists are doing. You think they care about ANY of that “truth” stuff? You kidding me? They gave up caring years ago. Why can't you just do what THEY do, instead of obsessing on this absurd “quest thing” kick you’re always on?"
- V.P. from Buffalo
"Are these real people and did they actually say all this?"
- D.T.Z.B. lll esq. from Walla Walla
"So, how long does it take you to do this? And, by the way, how DID you write Plastic Man? Did that take very long? You sure that wasn't you? Naw, I don't think so. lt was you. You can’t fool me. I saw your picture on the telly. I'm sure it's you. Come on, mate, just between you and me. How DID you write Plastic Man?"
- M.S. from Manchester
"Yes, but what does it all MEAN??? What EXACTLY are you trying to SAY? You must explain EVERY little detail to me and it's DEEP, hidden SIGNIFICANCE. Not that I'll understand ANY of it., or BUY any of your work, not even a cheap post card, to compensate you for your time and trouble, after you finish your LENGTHY dissertation, while actual potential customers pass you by, without stopping to purchase any of your work, because you were TOO BUSY yapping to lil’ ole’, ME, ME, ME. And, yes, I basically feel people are put on this earth to answer every tedious question I put to words, no matter HOW MANY TIMES I have to pester them."
- Enthralled admirer at recent art show.
"So, how long does it take you to do this?"
- R.C. from The Bronx